Monday Morning Fight Club

Battle of the Stinky Midgets

They're funny because they are small, what more needs to be said. We're here at the St. Laurent Shopping Mall food court. Quite a crowd of teenage moms, coolios and poor people have gathered to watch today's match. I don't see the combatants anywhere, but I do smell that distinctive midget smell; a peculiar mix of cabbage and carnie. They have got to be close Jordan but I don't see them anywhere. Mind you the little bastards are known to be sneaky, devious and able to use their size to their advantage. Devil Spawn!!! But I digress. Oh, wait a minute I think I've spotted them up on the "balloon race" panorama. Can you confirm that from your vantage point Jordan?

So hard to tell Craig, It seems that their diminutive size and horrible fashion sense have the Hobbits blending in perfectly with the creepy balloon people. Wow! Wicket is not wasting any time! He has set the balloon diorama on fire by lobbing a series flaming lunch trays! The Balloons are down! Flaming diorama debris everywhere! Impressive! It looks like Sam is dragging Frodo from the flaming wreckage now, and it also appears that Frodo is already sobbing horrendously...typical. Wicket is like a midget bear with ADD! he is now tearing apart the sushi stand! he keeps repeating "Yub Nub" over and over and stabbing random passerbys , what can it mean? No sign yet of Willow, Craig can you see him from your vantage point at the BeaverTail stand?

Yes Jordan, I can see Willow from here, if you look closely you'll see he is actually emerging from Wicket's ass end. Hmmmm I'm guessing that passes for a costume change here on Monday Morning Fight Club. Now he's trying to find some kind of magical stick to wave around. It looks like the two hobbits have used this impromptu costume change as a chance to partake in elevensies at A&W of all places. Well that didn't take long, they've already finished up after wolfing down a few eggers and hashbrowns. God Damn, I'll give them one thing, Hobbits knows hows to eat. Crazy shit, that was fast. It looks like that energized them, they mean business now and are laying the boots, or rather the "hairy stomp feet" to Willow. Wait a second, Wicket is back on his feet and coming to Willow's rescue. Now, if that wasn't a costume change we witnessed earlier what was it? I'm pretty sure I don't want to know what these dirty little midget bitches are up to.


Indeed! Sam came out of nowhere and clubbed Wicket in the back of his leather head wrap/hood thingy...and is now dragging him back to the food court! Craig, I can't believe what I am seeing here...or rather what I am smelling...Sam seems to have jury-rigged a rotisserie over one of the fire places and put the lifeless body of Wicket on a spit! The entire food court smells like a pile of burnt-hair,wet-dog,curry-fart, and taco-meat! I had no idea that ewoks smelled that bad! Sad to see the little guy come to an end like that, becoming the headliner for Sam's second breakfast! Whats this? Damn thats hard to watch! Frodo, still sobbing, is chasing Willow around the HMV! and I don't need to tell you that watching Willow run is almost as bad as watching Harrison Ford or Danny Glover run. Gut wrenching Craig, truly gut wrenching!

Right you are Jordan, it is very hard to watch those stumpy little legs hobble down the hall. My, my, Frodo has succumb to his addiction and is putting on the "One Ring". I have a feeling the end is near for Willow. Oh lord, I can't watch this, I'm pretty sure he didn't put the ring on his finger, but rather on his...oh no!!??...what kind of ring is that again Jordan? Frodo has just gone invisible from the waist down. He seems to be kicking Willow senseless, and Willow can't fight back since he can't see the flurry of blows coming from Frodo. I guess there is method to Frodo's madness. This one is all but over friends, here comes George Lucas to collect his midget manservants and a skinny Peter Jackson seems to be trying to corral the hobbits who are quite worked up and now seem to be beating on him. Once again things are way way out of control.


And there you have it folks...another debauchel from the folks here at Monday Morning Fight Club! Tune in next Monday for yet another unlikely, but hopefully entertaining match up! And keep voting and commenting, otherwise Craig will find you...I don't know how...but he will find you!