Monday Morning Fight Club

Power-tard Beat Down

Hi folks welcome to the Elmvale shopping plaza, where nothing is going on,...ever. This place is about as challenged as our contestants, who just seem to be arriving. Sloth just stepped off the short bus. He definitely stands out in a crowd with his massive cone head, and faded Superman t-shirt. Across the desolate parking lot I can see Mongo arriving on a large slow moving water buffalo, which oddly enough does not seem entirely out of place in this neighborhood. Both contestants are entering the mall now and seem to be mesmerized by the craptacular knick-knacks at the Dollar Store and the classy display of shiny pertty beer cans at the Beer Store. I really hope something gets these two gentle giants going pretty soon or all the local drop-outs are going to move on. It looks like Sloth may have forgotten a Baby Ruth on the short bus because he just ran out of the mall and back onto the bus. Mheh, what can you expect from a Power Tard.

Right you are Craig....this place is a hole! This could be the worst collection of stores to call themselves a mall in the entire western world! The only hope for this place is that the ensuing power tard fight will demolish this place in a hurry...a vacant lot would be a welcome improvement. Speaking of tards, Mongo has dis-mounted and is strolling purposefully towards Sloth..this could be it... the throw down we've been waiting for...oh, wait instant combat appears to be less immanent...Sloth is stuck in the doorway of the short bus...he appears to be calling for assistance "HEY YOU GUYS..." Well now this is interesting and a deffinate first here on Monday Mourning Fight Club...Mongo appears to be helping Sloth...Mongo is beating up the bus! Impressive!

Okay, both combatants are free of the short bus now and are going at each other. This is like watching two retarded Hulks beat on each other, it's great. OOOoooooo Sloth just threw Mongo through the front of the mall. This is incredible Jordan, then entire mall is just crumbling to the ground. It looks like the brick wall is just a veneer held up by Dollar Store popsicle sticks. Amazing. Mongo is scratching his head wondering what the hell is going on. And here comes Sloth, ouch and he just head butted Mongo into the middle of the parking lot. You would think that having a foreheard like a drive-in theatre would protect from "head butt" damage, but Sloth seems to be in a bit of pain. From here I can see his eyes blinking asynchronously (fuck big word for MMFC), I take that back Jordan, what I meant to say is his eyes be blinking like a blinking blinker.

I never would have thought this possible...Sloth and Mongo are slapping each other with car fenders from what appear to be Dodge Neons...there are a dis-proportionate number of Neons in this parking lot. Upon closer inspection none of these Neons appear to be made from their original parts! In fact some of the cars seem to be falling apart just before Mongo or Sloth get to them! Ooooo they have upgraded to throwing entire cars at eachother...this is really going well! Granted, many bystanders are being pelted by debris, but the over all mood of the crowd appears to be good! Smiles all around! There is just something about watching two, massive, seemingly invulnerable Tards pound on each other! Wait a minute! Mongo is taking objection to Sloth picking up his water buffalo....this could turn grim! Mongo has farted right into Sloths open mouth! Sloth is flipping out! He knocked Mongo down and ...OH GOD! Sloth is cramming the water buffalo into Mongo's butt! GOOD LORD! thats it the crowd is not taking this turn well, some are staring in stunned silence, others are throwing up, and still others are throwing up because they just saw someone throw up! Shut is down Craig, Shut it down! I think that image will be burned into the back of my eyes forever...or at least until next week! Kick it Craig!

Wow, and there you have it folks, yet another exciting conclusion on Monday Morning Fight Club! Those of you who voted...and we know who you are...can claim your reward from Craig next time you see him...and if you didn't vote...well you ought to be ashamed.