Monday, August 3, 2009

Best Fight Ever!

Well folks it this week we have a very special match up in store for you....well not really. It seems Craig has decided to take this week and make nature his bitch once again. As a result we would like to take this opportunity to ask our readership who they would like to see featured as a combatant in a future episode. So feel free to list as many people/zombies/robots/ghosts as you would like in the comments section. The more obscure the better. As an example; Zombie Christopher Reeves Vs Robot, Werewolf Ricardo Mantelban.

Friday, July 31, 2009

Showdown at the Crocodile-Coral

Well folks, here we are at Little Ray's reptile zoo on a surprisingly dry Thursday evening. A pathetic looking crowd of three people (are three people a crowd?) have gathered around a somewhat pathetic looking "crocodile enclosure", pathetic. Craig is busy looking for the toilet and some snacks (in that order) so it is up to yours truly to describe the entrances of our Aussie combatants. Crocodile Dundee has just entered pushing aside the beaded curtain separating this area from the snake "zone". He seems winded from the effort, the years have not been kind. Now we await the Crocodile hunter himself, Steve Irwin (not dead for our purposes but rather in his prime) CRIKIE! he just sprinted in and jumped little Ray! hold on, now he is saying something about "this infuriates the Reptile Zoo owner " wow, nice entrance, Craig may have been right about this match up after all. oh wait I hear flushing.....

Sorry dude, had to kill a brown snake myself, if you know what I mean. I didn't find any snacks though, unless you count a couple tanks full of crickets. A little too crunchy for my liking. Anyway, dude this is a pretty pathetic looking venue Jordan. Most of the reptiles in here are beneath either opponents notice. Maybe that is good because both combatants are sizing each other up. Steve definately looks eager to get into things and seems to be giving commentary on his every move, but I can't seem to hear him from my vantage point. Dundee is looking around nervously, but is now smiling as he whips out once hell of a knife. Steve was momentarily taken aback, but has regained composure and is now trying to hog tie Dundee. Holy shit Jordan, Little Ray must be pretty pissed from being jumped earlier. He has just come screaming into the room throwing an enourmous snake at Steve and Dundee. I think it's an Anaconda if I'm not mistaken, and it also seems to have taken a liking to Dundee.

Damn! I had no idea that an Anaconda was capable of eating Dundee that quickly! Now Irwin has jumped on the back of the bloated snake and is wrestling it into submission! Amazing! Craig what is that noise coming from inside the snake? It sounds like moaning...oh wait I recognize that! Look at that, the big snake is asleep! Dundee hypnotized the snake from the inside! Astounding! Irwin is now "milking" the sedated serpent, pushing the lump that is Dundee forward until finally, eeesh thats nasty! The dozing Anaconda has regurgitated the leathery Paul Hogan! and he is drinking a Fosters king can to boot! Very sportsmanlike behaviour from the Corcodile Hunter there Craig, not something we are used to here at Monday Morning Fight Club!

No Jordan, but that is prime Steve Irwin for you dude. The man was a total pro and treated all wildlife with respect, including one formerly famous Paul Hogan. Steve has now positioned himself on top of a few cages and is sizing up Hogan about to make his move. I think Hogan knows this is hopeless and has resigned himself to just being able to finish his beer. Steve is about to make his move, and "YES" he has pounced onto Dundee. Steve has some weird crocadile lasso wrapped around Hogan's upper jaw and the top of his head. He is making short work of this Jordan. Yup, that is it dude. The Crocodile Hunter is done. He has finished wrangling Dundee and is now giving a short lesson on the natural habitat and beer drinking prowess of the Outback Leatherfaced Aussie.

There you have it folks, Steve Irwin the Crocodile Hunter and bitched slapped poor old Crocodile Dundee. Thanks for joining us this week on Monday Morning Fight Club!!