Monday Morning Fight Club

Super-Zero Battle Play by Play

Hi folks, welcome to this weeks Craptacular Super Zero Battle. Thanks for joining us here at Orleans' very own rendition of Sunnyvale Trailer Park, yes that's right, Terra Nova Estates. Please give it up for the ass stain of Orleans. Speaking of shit stains, here come our two contestants. In one corner we have the (hee hee) Whizzer, and in the other corner we The Red Tornado. Yellow turd versus red turd, beautiful this should be an instant classic. The Whizzer is starting to hum and vibrate and there seems to be a growing dust cloud around Red Tornado's feet. Jordan I think they are about to throw down.

Hell yes Craig! and about time too, it seems that the residents of this "community" are getting restless and throwing bottles at both contestants. Oooo, that bottle of baby duck came awful close to Whizzers head! Red Tornado is making his move...I guess, I mean it's hard to tell when you can't see his legs and he is making that annoying wind noise, over and over. Oh there it is, the Red Tostito has unleash the full fury of a moderate breeze directly at the Whizzer, who has zipped over to Piggys to get some refreshments, looks to be a colossal tub of Mountain dew and Cola "swamp water". Craig it seems that moderate breeze is doing quite a lot of damage to the surrounding "homes". Do you think we are safe here?

Jordan, I think we are safe from the breeze, but I'm still not sure about the home owners, they could be trouble. I can't help but think that Red Tornado had a hand in selecting the battleground this week. I mean we are in one of Ottawa's only trailer parks with a being who can create tornados. It is a marriage destined to be. Yes and here we go, Red Tornado is now picking up random trailers and tossing them at the Whizzer. Good thing he is a fast little bitch and can easily out run the flying pieces of trash. Red Tornado is growing more and more frustrated at his inability to hit the little speedster and is now destroying trailers and vehicles at random. Ooooo, did you see that? Two poor white trash turds were beside their rusted out Airstreams comparing tribal tattoos and walking their pitbulls when they were clipped by a flying '95 Honda Civic Hatchback. Luckily the 3 foot high triple spoiler only took out their leather and mesh baseball caps. That was a close one.

Indeed Craig, Indeed. It seems that the Red robot is getting extremely frustrated now, most likely due to the fact that the Whizzer zipped in behind him, slapped his tornado-y ass and has apparently urinated on him...I guess that's why they call him the Whizzer....and now that detour to Piggys for the Swamp Water is starting to make sense...he had to load up! It's a crazy world Craig, crazy world. It looks like the golden shower has soaked into the robots fancy red and yellow duds and is causing him to short circuit, electricity is arching everywhere!...nigh invulnerable my ass! This just got real Craig, the now messed up Red Tornado is creating a super sized twister that has completely decimated the few remaining traillers in the park! The Whizzer can't out run this mess, double-wides, chevettes, mullets, and random livestock are flying everywhere. Ouch! The Whizzer just caught a grow-opp trailer right in the head! he is down!...well as down as you can be when you are being whipped around by a red and yellow piss covered tornado generating robot...and now the Red Tornado has exploded for good measure! Good times!

Well there you have it folks...by far to worst match up we've ever made you read...thats what you get when you don't vote! Stay tuned next week when we tackle our first ever fan submitted match up!