Battle of the Kings
Hi folks and welcome to this weeks BATTLE OF THE KINGS. Here we have two unlikely combatants, whom I'm sure you would not expect to find battling each other. We pulled a few strings, we've woken the dead, and we've messed with the the space time continuum to bring you this battle. Here you have it folks, Skinny Elvis versus Fat Elvis.
Dude you gotta love the King,...uh'm Kings that is! Elvis had class man, even when he was a tubby fried peanut butter and banana sandwich eating mofo. As much as I hate ties, that is how I'm calling this one. After all how can the same guy beat himself. Skinny Elvis has youth and agility on his side, but Fat Elvis has a definite weight advantage as well as years of experience fending off hordes of groupies. Jordan, how do you see this playing out?
Well Craig this is a tough one to call. Skinny Elvis may have agility and stamina on his side but he foolishly squandered his early years filming crap surfing movies in a vain attempt at being James Dean. Fat Elvis, although lacking an athletic aesthetic, spent his time on a strict fried-food and mind-altering drug regimen, was a deputy sheriff, loved kung fu, and shot many a television! If Fat Elvis can stay lucid enough, I think he might have enough experience and reckless abandon to stick it to his younger self...If he doesn't die on the toilet again that is! 
Ok, so this week has me completely raging and left me wondering if Craig and Jordan have put this disgraceful match to intimidate me to jump in and kill them both. How can one choose between a retard and a fat retard? I want them both ultimately dead very painfully. I think the Beatles should jump in the fight and waste the no talent, overrated bums. If I have to choose a winner, seeing as there is no tie, I have to go with the fat, drunken alcoholc, druggy bum versus the skinny one. The only reason I choose him is because if the fat one lives, he will die faster in life with his pants around his knees and lying in his own shit next to his "throne", having been wasted out of his mind. A very fitting end I say. I'd slaughter them both if I could. Fucking losers, the both of them. I HATE elvis!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteDarren
Wow, that's an angry comment. Let me guess, your parent's house was adorned with black velour paintings of Elvis, the one and only king. Muthafucka!!!
ReplyDeleteWOW. We have an Elvis hater on this site. Like your comment Craig. There might be some truth to that.
ReplyDeleteBottom line, Elvis Rocks (either fat or skinny) BUT the skinny Elvis (in real life) would slaughter fat Elvis in any competition hands down.
Absolutely not Craig, they saved me that trauma as a child. I just felt like going on a rant, and thankfully you guys provided me a reason. I do understand most like him, but certainly not me. Either way, that's a different debate. I see this match as two grown men having a stare off with the occasional gyration (sp) and a "uh huh" 50 times back and forth before the real fight begins. After years and years of built up aggression taking orders from the general and not being in control of his own life, fat elvis completely loses it and blinds skinny elvis with his tacky 70's wardrobe and puts the PB and banana boots to skinny elvis. I doubt skinny elvis will even have a chance unless the general makes an appearance and tells the young brainless idiot what to do. I definitely want to see the outcome of this one. They are still both retards, and I'd still love to waste them both.
ReplyDeleteDarren