Hunt Down Play by Play!
Well Craig, here we are in the picturesque MacArthur arena in once beautiful down town Vanier. With the men's recreational tier 13 hockey action suspended for the evening, the arena is full of rabid fight fans for what promises to be an epic match up! Looking around the stands one can not help but notice the sheer number of mullets in attendance...this crowd must be heavily biased towards the Dog! The crowd is chanting...there is an earsplittingly painful theme being piped in over the P.A...the Zamboni gate is opening and in drives dog in an impressive, yet leased, black Denali. There seems to be a problem...the Denali isn't stopping, it's wheels have locked up and it careens across the ice into the far boards. Unfazed Dog and his posse of "Tim" and "Young Blood" (is that really his name?) pour out of the Denali and onto the ice...It appears that the Dogs wife is pinned behind the wheel due to the airbag, steering wheel and her ample chesticles, she is, however, cheering loudly for her man...as he and his posse figure how to stand and look intimidating while wearing cowboy boots in a hockey rink. Truly a thrilling entrance! The theme has subsided now, as the crowd waits, anxiously shoveling poutine into their pie holes, for the appearance of our second fighter... Wow! A huge hole has been blasted into the roof of the arena, and in hovers Boba Fett! and it looks like he has brought a posse of his own! Rappelling in behind him are; Dengar, the tubby, seeming always suffering a head wound bounty hunter, and IG88, purpose built assassin droid! Fun fact, before becoming an assassin for hire, IG88's first love was for fruity mixed drinks and beat poetry!
Boba Fett!!! Pffffft, poser!
Shocking insight Craig!, shocking. It looks like the Dog and his posse are still having trouble gaining any sort of traction on the ice...cowboy boots were a poor choice. Boba Fett is awkwardly leaning forward now...could it be...yes Fett has just launched his back pack mounted rocket....although it now appears that the rocket is more of an aesthetic choice rather than a viable weapon system...the rocket is just randomly flying around. The crowd, along with our combatants are mesmerized by the aerial display!..Eeesh, the rocket just took out a large portion of the shirtless, mulleted crowd...it is raining poutine, smoked meat, and chunks of concrete all over the place...Tim just got nailed by a wayward arena seat...putting him out of action...Dengar just took a sizable hunk of concrete right in the melon...lucky he was already pre-bandaged. "Young Blood" is either trying to convert or subdue Ig88 with a large can of mace, the all-metal assassin couldn't look less interested in tonight's event. Boba Fett has finally come in for a landing right in front of the Dog, who has managed to avoid most of the falling debris...although there does appear to be some smoked meat caught in his hair beads.
With their posses gone the bounty hunters are alone, face to face. Dog means business now, he's taking off his sunglasses/mp3 player. Although you can't see his face you can tell that Boba Fett is visibly shaken from the shear amount of wrinkles around Dog's eyes. Jordan, it must be like looking into the dark abyss of eternity,...but with a mullet!?! Now it looks like Dog is lecturing Boba Fett about kicking his"Ice" habit. What the hell is he talking about? Boba Fett looks just as confused as me and he's getting angrier by the second. Fett is pulling something out of his codpiece, it's big, it's bulbous, oh my god, it's a thermal detinator. Quick as flash Dog is going for his weapon of choice too and yes, it's his favorite can of Fox Lab's Pepper Spray. This is about to get ugly. Dog has unleashed the spray right in Fett's visor. Physically Fett is unaffected, he has pepper spray dripping off his helmet, but the mask blocked everything. Mentally he is freaking out, and there he goes folks, he has powered up his jet pack and is getting the hell out of here as fast as he can. Oooooooo bad luck for our trashy bounty hunter, the blast from Boba Fett's backpack has ignited the pepper spray vapor surrounding Dog and has completely fried his Mullet. I can't believe it, it's gone folks, Dog's mullet is gone in a spectacular flash of pepper spray induced greasy hair fire!
With Boba Fett retreating victoriously, and the Dog left sobbing over his fallen mullet at center ice, we have to give this one to...Boba Fett, and true to form he didn't really earn his own bounty...remarkable!
And there you have it folks, another impressive battle in the books! Thanks for tuning in this week, and remember to tune in next week for another exciting throw-down!
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