Fur Underwear Wearing Swordsmen Play by Play
It's another beautiful Thursday night here at the Gloucester center food court. A small but exuberant crowd has gathered to form a crude ring where our two fur-laden adversa
ries will do battle! Oh...the crowd is parting...and in steps Prince Adam, son of King Randor and next-in-line to the throne of Eternia...he looks a little nervous, some might say meek....he is cautiously waving to the crowd now..he seems to have singled out two young men from the Footlocker and appears to be chatting them up... Oh that entrance music can only mean one thing...and there he is, Conan, some say "the Barbarian", others "the Destroyer", has made his way into the ring opposite Prince Adam! They are staring each other down now...any moment this could erupt into a savage battle....Conan reaches for his sword...and ...wait...oh, he appears to have begun an elaborate "pose down" sequence...still posing...still posing...and now he seems to be smearing what looks to be hummus and tabbouleh on himself in an awkward camouflage pattern. Truly unique! Okay, it looks like the fellas from Footlocker have pushed Prince Adam towards the center of the ring...combat is immanent! wait, the royal douche is reaching for something...its his sword! He is pointing is skyward and....oh that looked pretty lame actually. It appears as if Prince Adam has set off some cheap pyrotechnics to distract the crowd while he quickly removed his clothes. He is posing triumphantly, now calling himself He-man, in what only can be called massive over-compensation. And now he is just standing there....come on people fight! Somebody hit somebody already!
This should be a good match once it gets started, or at least an interesting match. I mean here we have two individuals that both fuck Skeletor on a daily basis, it will be interesting to see how they handle each other. Here we go, Conan just lunged at He-man with his gigantic sword. By the way Jordan, some people thought his sword looked smaller after he hit the roids last year, but Prince Adam...I mean He-man still looks pretty impressed. Conan is still charging and screaming something in a muffled gutteral dialect, that almost sounds like English. Wow, and look at the gap between those teeth, Conan could eat corn-on-the-cob through a picket fence with those babies. By the looks of the super-douche turned He-man, he's hoping Conan is going to put something else in his mouth though. And here it comes, He-man has parried Conan's blow with his own massive instrument of death. That is one well used sword, wow. He-man should clean it more often though, look at all the rust up and down the length of the shaft, I wonder how that got there?
Indeed!....I'm sorry Craig, I wasn't listening. Beside me here in the booth She-ra, Evil-Lyn, and Teela are debating different bikini waxing techniques and the relative comfort of leather vs metal corsets, truly remarkable!...Back to you Craig!
He-man has just mounted Battle Cat, the Footlocker boys seem very impressed by this. Conan is panicking, he is running from one side of the food court to the other looking for a way out. Jordan I definitely think he is going to make a break for it. I think the big cat has tipped this battle in He-man's favor. Hold on now, Conan has just grabbed a large bundle of knitting wool from the bargain bin at a defunct Bouclair and is taunting battle cat with it. Battle Cat's pupil's just dialated to the size of saucers he is enthralled with the wool. He hits it with a powerul right, then a left, and he's following through with a massive flurry of blows. It,... it looks like He-man is dismounting to let the cat go and play, and there he goes off to chat up his new friends from Footlocker. Conan has resumed his elaborate pose down and is looking for someone to oil him up.
I think we may have to go to the judges for a decision on this one Jordan.
Judges? it looks like the mall is closing Craig, the janitor is furiously flipping the lights on and off. We will have to wait for an eventual and decisive rematch of this battle. Hopefully the competitors will get around to hitting each other next time....overall I can't be more disappointed by this conclusion...a tie!?! Ridiculous!
And there you have it folks another battle for the ages! Thanks for voting this week and stay tuned because next Monday we will have another exciting match-up here at Monday Morning Fight Club! Be sure leave your comments to let us know how you think the fight will go down!
ries will do battle! Oh...the crowd is parting...and in steps Prince Adam, son of King Randor and next-in-line to the throne of Eternia...he looks a little nervous, some might say meek....he is cautiously waving to the crowd now..he seems to have singled out two young men from the Footlocker and appears to be chatting them up... Oh that entrance music can only mean one thing...and there he is, Conan, some say "the Barbarian", others "the Destroyer", has made his way into the ring opposite Prince Adam! They are staring each other down now...any moment this could erupt into a savage battle....Conan reaches for his sword...and ...wait...oh, he appears to have begun an elaborate "pose down" sequence...still posing...still posing...and now he seems to be smearing what looks to be hummus and tabbouleh on himself in an awkward camouflage pattern. Truly unique! Okay, it looks like the fellas from Footlocker have pushed Prince Adam towards the center of the ring...combat is immanent! wait, the royal douche is reaching for something...its his sword! He is pointing is skyward and....oh that looked pretty lame actually. It appears as if Prince Adam has set off some cheap pyrotechnics to distract the crowd while he quickly removed his clothes. He is posing triumphantly, now calling himself He-man, in what only can be called massive over-compensation. And now he is just standing there....come on people fight! Somebody hit somebody already!
This should be a good match once it gets started, or at least an interesting match. I mean here we have two individuals that both fuck Skeletor on a daily basis, it will be interesting to see how they handle each other. Here we go, Conan just lunged at He-man with his gigantic sword. By the way Jordan, some people thought his sword looked smaller after he hit the roids last year, but Prince Adam...I mean He-man still looks pretty impressed. Conan is still charging and screaming something in a muffled gutteral dialect, that almost sounds like English. Wow, and look at the gap between those teeth, Conan could eat corn-on-the-cob through a picket fence with those babies. By the looks of the super-douche turned He-man, he's hoping Conan is going to put something else in his mouth though. And here it comes, He-man has parried Conan's blow with his own massive instrument of death. That is one well used sword, wow. He-man should clean it more often though, look at all the rust up and down the length of the shaft, I wonder how that got there?
Indeed!....I'm sorry Craig, I wasn't listening. Beside me here in the booth She-ra, Evil-Lyn, and Teela are debating different bikini waxing techniques and the relative comfort of leather vs metal corsets, truly remarkable!...Back to you Craig!
He-man has just mounted Battle Cat, the Footlocker boys seem very impressed by this. Conan is panicking, he is running from one side of the food court to the other looking for a way out. Jordan I definitely think he is going to make a break for it. I think the big cat has tipped this battle in He-man's favor. Hold on now, Conan has just grabbed a large bundle of knitting wool from the bargain bin at a defunct Bouclair and is taunting battle cat with it. Battle Cat's pupil's just dialated to the size of saucers he is enthralled with the wool. He hits it with a powerul right, then a left, and he's following through with a massive flurry of blows. It,... it looks like He-man is dismounting to let the cat go and play, and there he goes off to chat up his new friends from Footlocker. Conan has resumed his elaborate pose down and is looking for someone to oil him up.
I think we may have to go to the judges for a decision on this one Jordan.
Judges? it looks like the mall is closing Craig, the janitor is furiously flipping the lights on and off. We will have to wait for an eventual and decisive rematch of this battle. Hopefully the competitors will get around to hitting each other next time....overall I can't be more disappointed by this conclusion...a tie!?! Ridiculous!
And there you have it folks another battle for the ages! Thanks for voting this week and stay tuned because next Monday we will have another exciting match-up here at Monday Morning Fight Club! Be sure leave your comments to let us know how you think the fight will go down!
Wow... who'da thunk this would come down to a tie?!
ReplyDeleteI can't wait for these two to clash swords again!
Yup, lame tie, at least it means we might get to see these to clash cocks,,,uhh I mean swords another time. Conan would have ripped He-man a new one as far as I'm concerned.
ReplyDeleteIf it weren't for that yarn Battle Cat would have eaten Conan and the Footlocker boy-toys for lunch.
ReplyDelete