Admiral Ackbar vs Captain Kirk

Space commander show down!

Kirk, alone beams down to a remarkably familiar deserted planet, after delivering a long winded monologue on the fate of man amongst the stars, Admiral Ackbar, fresh from an Attack-the-Death-Star conference call, jumps out and confronts him! On one side we have the fishy rebel admiral and on the other, the quintessential cosmic Lothario. who will come out on top?

Well Craig, this is a geeks wet-dream-of-a-match-up, Floppy Fish vs Fat n'Bald!. It could be a close one. Kirk would no-doubt try to seduce the Admiral first, throwing a barrage of stilted movements and his own brand of poorly....delivered....pick...up.... lines. At this point the Admiral would easily deduce; "It's a Trap" and backhand the portly Starfleet stooge with his lobster claw/flipper. Reeling from the blow, Kirk's new tactic would be to try and fashion some sort of rudimentary weapon out of the materials at hand, but lacking any real skills (and Spock's help) he would resort to bashing the stinky rebel with the largest available stick. Sucking wind and blinking repeatedly, the admiral would decide to fall back and wait for things to tip into his favor. Like-wise, Kirk would be winded by now by the extended physical exertion and he would retreat to the nearest available cover and wait for Spock to show up and save his sorry ass. Tired from the fight, and more than a little disappointed from the lack of inter-species love-making, Kirk would relax the girdle and take a nap. Having out-waited his opponent, Ackbar executes a sneak attack and feeds Kirk his teeth, after all this guy did lead the attack that destroyed the second Death Star so you know he has big fishy balls!.

Simply said Kirk is going to fuck Ackbar's shit up good. Kirk has fucked, and fucked up more aliens than anyone else in the known universe. Ackbar and his floppity latex shit suit are screwed. That calamari eating mother-fucker isn't going to be able to blink his way out of this one.