Terrible yet Tasty Tag Team Take Down!
Well Craig here we are, thanks to the modern miracle of poorly written blog/fiction, deep inside the bowels of local television personality, and avid rat-tail wearer, Max Keeping. Safe inside our Monday Morning Fight Club mini sub we gaze out into the cavernous expanse of Mr. Keepings colon eagerly awaiting the miniaturization and arrival of our Fast Food Mogul Combatants! Little does Max know but we scheduled this little throw down to coincide with Thursdays evening news broadcast! It's a good thing you had the foresight to send Mr Keeping a care basket laden with fast food sundries...looking around this disgusting cavern of a colon I can readily spot pieces of undigested Baconator, A Quaterpounder with cheese (also know as a Royal with Cheese), A Whopper and...greasy chicken bones!!!! Good lord, did he swallow the 3 piece dinner whole?!?
Mmmmmm a belly full of dirty bird does the body good. Looky here the combatants are being squeezed through the pyloric sphincter (yes folks you have more than one sphincter in your body, the starfish is just the most popular). The first one being squeezed through is none other than everybody's favorite red head grease wench, Wendy. She is followed closely by red neck coque sucker Colonel Sanders. Both of them look extra greasy and ready to rumble. A rusty coloured crown has just been passed followed by a creepy looking court jester, or king, it's kind of hard to tell, must be the Burger King. Jordan here comes a gigantic red afro, that can mean only one thing, Lucky Ron has entered the arena. Look at that though, his gigantic gay rubber shoes have become logged in the sphincter and he is just dangling there like a circus sized dingle-berry. The Colonel is not wasting any time, he has whipped out a cane and is thrashing Lucky Ron across the back blow after vicious blow.
Right you are Craig, we are witnessing quite the merciless beating! Who knew the old guy had it in him! But the Colonel should be careful, he seems so enthralled by his own handiwork he does not notice the Burger King sneaking up behind him...Hot Damn! Wendy just came out of nowhere and brained the King with what only could be the sorry remnants of a McRib patty! They haven't served those for years! Hang on Craig! this whole colon is starting to spasm...we must have reached a grease/crap equilibrium...we are getting pushed along Mr Keeping's unkempt G.I. tract... Ronald Mcdonald has seized his moment in the confusion and slipped out of his giant gay shoes...The Colonel is off balance as Lucky Ron belts him with a gigantic Muppet Baby Happy Meal toy! WTF?!? Did Max swallow that too? Those came out in 1987! Hang on again, we are getting another tremor...
Jordan it looks like that last colo-spasm has landed all of us just outside the pearly gates of Max's rectum. Contrary to popular opinion, there are no hamsters in here, I just want to make that clear to our audience. However, I'm still trying to figure out where all these mushroom shaped scars came from....odd to say the least. I'm pretty sure Wendy and the Colonel are about to go in for the kill now. After losing her weapon Wendy has grabbed a rather sharp looking peanut out of the myriad of crevices surrounding us, and the Colonel has found and old piece of bubble gum from 50 years ago. Yes, while they were still dazed from our entry into the large intestine Wendy has resumed her poundings on the Burger King's gigantic plastic-rubber cranium and Colonel Sanders has hog tied Ronny with the ancient piece of gum. I can feel another spasm coming on Jordan I think it is high time for us to exit this old dude.
Good Lord that was a violent bowel evacuation! Luckily our mini sub is protecting us from the bulk of the horrors we witnessed, but the filters are starting to crap out and the stink is becoming unbearable...Although my eyes are watering furiously I can make out that Wendy and the Colonel rode out the shit tsunami on a bacon raft no doubt built from the 40 or so bacon strips in a baconator. The Colonel is in full control however paddling comfortably with a chicken bone oar... Ronald and the King didn't fare so well Ronald is face down in the bowl, hog tied with ancient chewing gum and the King lies lifeless, a gaping peanut wound in his massive turd encrusted cranium...truly grizzly Craig, grizzly. Wendy and the Colonel are having themselves a heart-warming chuckle over frosties gazing down at their fallen adversaries...Personally I don;t know how they can stomach some brown soft serve at a time like this...but to each his own...Craig? Craig! Put down that bacon...it's not sanitary!
And there you have it folks, our messiest melt down yet. Special thanks to Philly for the combatant suggestion! Keep 'em coming! Stay tuned next week when Craig and I pull another match up out of our asses!
Well Craig here we are, thanks to the modern miracle of poorly written blog/fiction, deep inside the bowels of local television personality, and avid rat-tail wearer, Max Keeping. Safe inside our Monday Morning Fight Club mini sub we gaze out into the cavernous expanse of Mr. Keepings colon eagerly awaiting the miniaturization and arrival of our Fast Food Mogul Combatants! Little does Max know but we scheduled this little throw down to coincide with Thursdays evening news broadcast! It's a good thing you had the foresight to send Mr Keeping a care basket laden with fast food sundries...looking around this disgusting cavern of a colon I can readily spot pieces of undigested Baconator, A Quaterpounder with cheese (also know as a Royal with Cheese), A Whopper and...greasy chicken bones!!!! Good lord, did he swallow the 3 piece dinner whole?!?
Mmmmmm a belly full of dirty bird does the body good. Looky here the combatants are being squeezed through the pyloric sphincter (yes folks you have more than one sphincter in your body, the starfish is just the most popular). The first one being squeezed through is none other than everybody's favorite red head grease wench, Wendy. She is followed closely by red neck coque sucker Colonel Sanders. Both of them look extra greasy and ready to rumble. A rusty coloured crown has just been passed followed by a creepy looking court jester, or king, it's kind of hard to tell, must be the Burger King. Jordan here comes a gigantic red afro, that can mean only one thing, Lucky Ron has entered the arena. Look at that though, his gigantic gay rubber shoes have become logged in the sphincter and he is just dangling there like a circus sized dingle-berry. The Colonel is not wasting any time, he has whipped out a cane and is thrashing Lucky Ron across the back blow after vicious blow.
Right you are Craig, we are witnessing quite the merciless beating! Who knew the old guy had it in him! But the Colonel should be careful, he seems so enthralled by his own handiwork he does not notice the Burger King sneaking up behind him...Hot Damn! Wendy just came out of nowhere and brained the King with what only could be the sorry remnants of a McRib patty! They haven't served those for years! Hang on Craig! this whole colon is starting to spasm...we must have reached a grease/crap equilibrium...we are getting pushed along Mr Keeping's unkempt G.I. tract... Ronald Mcdonald has seized his moment in the confusion and slipped out of his giant gay shoes...The Colonel is off balance as Lucky Ron belts him with a gigantic Muppet Baby Happy Meal toy! WTF?!? Did Max swallow that too? Those came out in 1987! Hang on again, we are getting another tremor...
Jordan it looks like that last colo-spasm has landed all of us just outside the pearly gates of Max's rectum. Contrary to popular opinion, there are no hamsters in here, I just want to make that clear to our audience. However, I'm still trying to figure out where all these mushroom shaped scars came from....odd to say the least. I'm pretty sure Wendy and the Colonel are about to go in for the kill now. After losing her weapon Wendy has grabbed a rather sharp looking peanut out of the myriad of crevices surrounding us, and the Colonel has found and old piece of bubble gum from 50 years ago. Yes, while they were still dazed from our entry into the large intestine Wendy has resumed her poundings on the Burger King's gigantic plastic-rubber cranium and Colonel Sanders has hog tied Ronny with the ancient piece of gum. I can feel another spasm coming on Jordan I think it is high time for us to exit this old dude. 
Good Lord that was a violent bowel evacuation! Luckily our mini sub is protecting us from the bulk of the horrors we witnessed, but the filters are starting to crap out and the stink is becoming unbearable...Although my eyes are watering furiously I can make out that Wendy and the Colonel rode out the shit tsunami on a bacon raft no doubt built from the 40 or so bacon strips in a baconator. The Colonel is in full control however paddling comfortably with a chicken bone oar... Ronald and the King didn't fare so well Ronald is face down in the bowl, hog tied with ancient chewing gum and the King lies lifeless, a gaping peanut wound in his massive turd encrusted cranium...truly grizzly Craig, grizzly. Wendy and the Colonel are having themselves a heart-warming chuckle over frosties gazing down at their fallen adversaries...Personally I don;t know how they can stomach some brown soft serve at a time like this...but to each his own...Craig? Craig! Put down that bacon...it's not sanitary!And there you have it folks, our messiest melt down yet. Special thanks to Philly for the combatant suggestion! Keep 'em coming! Stay tuned next week when Craig and I pull another match up out of our asses!
Poop.
ReplyDelete